Sunday, September 23, 2007

Forgiveness or the lack there of

While working though this bible study I am starting to see some things about myself that I really just don't like. I am finding that I don't extend grace to some as easily as I should. There are a select few people who- when they mess up, or hurt me, or just let me down - I begrudingly hold unto that hurt and frustration. I am starting to see how this UNFORGIVENESS is adding bricks to the wall I am building between God and me. NOT GOOD - not good at all. So I am in prayer as to what God wants me to do about this -- should I confess to the person and ask for forgiveness or would this just make them feel bad ???? I am sure God will reveal it to me.

"If you forgive people their wrongdoing, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don't forgive people, your Father will not forgive your wrongdoing."
Matthew 6:14-15

Below is a passage from the study i am doing

There are no irreconcilable differences among GOD'S PEOPLE. If there were, that would mean there was a limit to God's ability to forgive you as well. The cross would be void of its meaning. WE MUST FORGIVE AS CHRIST HAS FORGIVEN US --- TOTALLY, FOREVER.

those last two words are were i struggle the most -- TOTALLY, FOREVER -- after all I am a list maker - a score keeper of sorts -- I tend to forgive (so i call it) but then I check a tally mark next to the persons name -- so i will NEVER FORGET -- almost as if I kept index cards stored in my brain with the exact circumstance that happened to cause me to be upset with this person. And with some I may never bring the instance up again - but it is still there. However with my husband I do retrieve those cards as if to post them up -- THE SCORE IS 5 to 1 -- like a huge "YOU ARE MEANIE" BANNER -- it is really horrible and I am so so ashamed of myself -- I can't even believe I am admitting to this -- now my sudden urge is to hold down the BACKSPACE KEY until this entire paragraph is deleted - but really this is who I am right now - Not one of my better points but something I want to work on --

So this is me slowing tearing down the wall of UNFORGIVENESS i have been building. I don't want to be someone who just ACTS RIGHT on the outside when I think someone is watching. My desire is to strive to BE RIGHT. By "being right" I am speaking of the heart,the core of my existence.

Here is to LEARNING and GROWING through CHRIST


Jana said...

Beautiful post.....I think this is something we all could probably work on as well.

Lynn - Linda - LIndaN said...

I think that you are very of others, DD. I know that it is better to forgive but it is hard to fogive. The best part of forgiving is to not bring it up the next time the person disappoints you.
Please keep us updated on your study and maybe we can join you in this experience.

Michael Ann said...

Such a wonderful post Shawnna. It really strikes a chord with me. Unfortunately. Is there a study guide that you guys are following? I'd love to know what it is if there is one. Take care.

Laurie said...

Awesome post Shawnna! So many of us could work on this in our lives and in our relationship with HIM. I think the hard thing is feeling like you've forgiven someone, and then they repeat their offenses. It's hard to forgive someone and then have no contact with them since they keep repeating. I love what you said about the tally marks! Something I've thought a lot about and am trying to do away with as well.

TeressaTSR said...

WOW what a great post. It really makes me think about myself too. Thank you for that.

Erin said...

You are not alone in this, my friend. Don't forget while you take a long, hard look at the opportunities to fix things within yourself that you also look at the wonderful things inside that should be celebrated. Hugs!