Friday, September 28, 2007

overwhelmed and afraid

I must say today has been one of the toughest days -- Nothing really BIG has happened so there is no where to place the "blame" not that that is what I should be doing.

I have been SO TIRED - I don't even want to get up in the morning and sometimes I even go back to bed once the kids get off to school. My to do list is SO HUGE - and I am behind on pretty much all of my commitments (which is not like me at all - one of my pet peeves). And now with the house stuff that needs to be done in order to get it listed on the market I am COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED and feel like a ton of bricks is resting on my shoulders. My neighbor and good friend Molly even came to help me make a list of ALL the House To Do's and she is going to help me next week. She is such a blessing. I don't know what I would do without her.

My role as a mother and wife is even suffering - which makes me feel even worse. I am frustrated with myself and the fact that I can't make it through a few little chores without needing to rest and then I feel frustrated when my spouse comes home and is tired and doesn't feel like helping out -- It is a loose loose situation - I know he is trying and I just have to learn to LET GO a little more

So here is the run down on the last 24 or so hours
  • Heath's truck that he just got on Monday had to be towed home - which meant I had to figure out how to get Noah to his doctor appointment this morning -- Heath and his dad tried to figure out what the deal was last night but we ended up having to get it towed from the house to a mechanic $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
  • Heath and I had words about how I need help around here and I know he didn't mean it but his words were very hurtful -- He is just as stressed and overwhelmed as I am and when you put two overwhelmed people in a heated discussion it is bound to set off a smoke detector
  • Noah had is dr. appointment and I didn't know he had to get shots - which he needed two -He was very upset -- He is deathly afraid of needles - and it didn't help that the nurse was RUDE
  • had to drive heath to work which took over an hour there and back -
  • I needed to stop at the post office on the way home but realized I left the packages at home so I drove all the way back home
  • On the answering machine a women from Noah's dr's office said for me to call her back regarding Noah's LABS (this of course sent me into a fit of worry because the last time someone called this house about lab work it was to tell me I had cancer) I tried to call them back but they were out to lunch
  • once i got to the post office the automated machine wouldn't weigh my package so i politely tried to let the postal worker know and she was SO VERY RUDE TO ME -- so rude that I was crying when I left - and really all I wanted to do was let them know it was broken so others didn't waste their time - SO I LEFT and went to another post office
  • just feeling like I want to just lie in the fetal position and have a good cry - which stinks
  • finally heard back from the dr's office and Noah's labs were NORMAL praise God (but they have never called me back for NORMAL results before - the woman was very sweet and I thanked her)
  • while waiting for the school bus I got a call from Noah's school counselor and about the visit they had today - she said he was holding back tears and that his "Life is So Serious Right Now"

after that conversation I really lost it - I felt so afraid - How in the world would I be able to help my children through this if I couldn't even manage myself

My neighbor ended up getting the kids off the bus and I went to my room for a good cry and some time with the Lord. These are the verses He shared with me

"I sought the Lord and He answered me. And delivered me from all my FEARS." Psalm 34:4

"My flesh and my heart may fail. But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26

I don't have to KNOW how to handle everything - Through HIS STRENGTH and HIS WISDOM I will be able to handle these "bad days" and hopefully the closer I draw to HIM the fewer "bad days" I will have

Blessings and love to you all


ashlee said...

i don't know how you are able to handle all this but i do know, like you know, that HE can! and He will...we love you guys.

Laurie said...

Sending prayers and {{HUGS}} your way. Thank you so much for sharing those versus. I too needed to hear those. I know there are so many things on the "to do" list and so many things left undone, but (while easier said than done) don't worry, things will get done. Take some time with your hubby, your son and for yourself. It will heal so many things.

stacey/mom2mgec said...

Girl, I wish I could give you a great big hug right about now! I'm so sorry for your cruddy day and the rudeness of other people. But I know that God will deliver you...keep pouring out your heart to Him! I love how transparent you've been through all of this. You are teaching me so much without even know ing it. Love you!

stephanie said...

A good cry is a good thing. I am reading Tuesdays with Morrie right now and it is such a good reminder to mourn just a little each day, get over it and move on...and remember that GOD is right there with you. He is struggling with you...he is holding your hand and is carrying you through those rougher spots. Just remember that. Some days are going to be worse than others...and some days are going to be greater than others...

"We rejoice in our suffereings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character and character produces hope" Rom. 5:3-4

"pile your troubles on God's shoulders. He will carry your load and help you out" Ps. 55:22

"Consider it pure JOY whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverence" James 1:2-3

praying for a better day for you friend! One step at a time.....

Erin said...

I agree with what Stacey said. I think you are going through this to teach so many others of us a lesson in strength, faith, and hope. I love you!