Part 1 (beginning)

i wasn't sure how/ where to start so i guess i will start with my pregnancy - i was only a teenager when i found out i was pregnant - nothing more than a child myself - up until that point my biggest fears involved getting caught cruisin' the strip while my parents thought i was at the movie theatre -- and so it begins - i am pregnant -- I was pressured by some to have an abortion - this was something that I COULDN'T do - part of me thought "no one would ever have to know about this if i went down this path" but the BIGGEST part of me knew that I COULDN'T do it - that this was a BABY growing inside of me - Thankfully my mother was there to give me support and encouragement - though i am sure she wasn't happy about the situation I had gotten myself into - she was more supportive than I would have imagined she could be and she stood by my side when I made the decision to keep the baby - MY BABY - my pregnancy was tough it wasn't fun to feel alienated by my peers - and the comments some of them made --- OMGoodness - it was horrible -- skip this part and lets fast forward to the birth of my son - Aasin -

he was a beautiful baby and such a blessing - born March 5th 1996 - i remember sobbing uncontrollable the first time I held him in my arms - he was so fragile and innocent I couldn't help but wonder if I would be able to give him the life he deserved - would I be a GOOD MOTHER - would I know what to do when he cried or when he had a fever (lets hope so because i spent most of my pregnancy reading every BOOK i could get my hands on about childbirth and childrearing)

at this point my life totally changed - RESPONSIBILTY LEAD THE WAY TO MANY CHANGES

SCHOOL: I was on homebound (high school at home - i met with a teacher once per week who would give me all my assignments which would be turned in on the following week) HOME: Not only was I caring for this infant 24/7 I was also babysitting my three younger brothers after school until my parents came home and all the while still helping my mom with housework. WORK -- and as soon as school was out for the summer I got my first real job (up until then there was babysitting and doing odd jobs for my parents to earn cash) my mother babysat for me while i worked part time / evenings and weekends at a resturant - they didn't want me to work at first but i knew i was going to have to do it sooner or later

my life had done a 180 degree turn - no longer was i a teenager living for the weekends - now i was a mother - oohh ing and awwe ing over all the FIRSTS that my son was experiencing -- HOLDING HIS HEAD UP -- ROLLING OVER -- it seemed that i could no longer communicate with those that had been my peers - they were talking about their DATES and i was talking about sleepless nights - cute baby noises - and diapers - it was strange and it set me apart but i didn't mind - I loved my son and i was determined that i would do whatever i could to make the best life possible for him.