Alive in Oklahoma

:D

just a quick post to say we are alive and well in Oklahoma -
We moved on the 17th but have been having so much fun at the
Baker house that I haven't updated my blog

ICE ICE BABY

ok - so the title isn't the greatest - but today it's all i got ;)

So we are hoping to move on Monday but there is still no
power in parts of Tulsa, OK (if you don't know what i am talking about
watch the news - ICE STORM)- particularly the area we are moving to.
I am still packing regardless - lots of laundry to finish up - I just
have this feeling that at the last minute the power will be on and
everything will go according to plan.

Although if it doesn't we will just hang out in Houston a bit longer :)
WOW -- I sound as if I am a "fly by the seat of your pants" gal - DO
NOT BE DISMAYED - I am not - but I am getting better at trying to be

It's the Most WONDERFUL TIME of the YEAR

I LOVE CHRISTMAS
IT IS MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY
I love the music
i usually start listening to Christmas music in early November
I love to buy gifts
not so much the spending money part but the search for something
that the receiver truly wants/needs or would enjoy
I love the decorations
we are moving in 8 days so we didn't put up decorations this year
but I am already looking forward to decorating our new tree for next year
my mom bought me some new decorations when she was here after my radiation treatment - can't wait to put them up
Most importantly I love seeing my kids GET IT - really GET what we are celebrating

THE BIRTH OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR , JESUS CHRIST
and that is what makes this the most wonderful time of the year

photo of Makenna taken at her grandparents house last weekend

11th Hour

Ever notice how it is always in the 11th hour

always

God does something so wonderful only HE could have made it happen. I seem to find myself in some sticky situations - some big mistakes - and right when i start to get a little panic-y --- a little UNCOMFORTABLE -- HE rushes in to my rescue

I have to admit it is pretty awesome having JESUS as my SUPERHERO -

now don't misunderstand me - I don't think HE protects me from everything - after all it is the struggles that build our character and our faith -- but I can't help but smile when HE busts in and totally saves the day

Back amongst the living ;)

So we have been sick for a little over a week now and it has gone through EVERYONE in the house - including the momma :0 GASP -
it was nasty
and PRAISE the LORD
it is over
and that is all I have to say about that

Pokemon: It's not just cool....

Noah and I just had this conversation

Noah: Mom, I don't understand why he never wants to play or talk about pokemon anymore. He says (he was talking about a friend of his) that it is getting OLD.

MOM: Well maybe he just isn't into Pokemon anymore. Maybe he doesn't think it is cool.

Noah: Mom POKEMON is not just cool (with the duh attitude) IT'S SUPER COOL

so maybe the typed version of the conversation wasn't as cute but he said it with such CONVICTION I just don't want to forget it ;)

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving may have already come and gone but tonight I am up late thinking of all the things I am thankful for

• My HUSBAND (who I am still MISSING)
• My children - all 3 of them - they have each taught me so much and changed my life in a profound way
• How AWESOME God is and how He always provides for us
• FAMILY
• FRIENDS
• that Noah is feeling better - He was sick all day (stomach yuckies) but he is awake watching Kim possible at 12:15am so he must be feeling better ..... right?
• singing Christmas Carol's in the car on Thanksgiving Day with the kids
• that I am cancer free and getting stronger everyday

Who says Thanksgiving is only ONE DAY -- I would love to hang onto this grateful attitude all year long -- I am sure it might take a little work but it can be done

Happy Birthday .....

Happy Birthday to ME


yep -

go me .... it's my birthday

officially still YOUNG ;)


thanks Molly for hangin with me on my special day --
without you I would have been wallowing in pity in my pajama pants all day ....
come on .... you know it is true

I love you girl - and I consider my self so FREAKIN BLESSED to have
been able to hang with you so much since we moved back to Houston

You know I am gonna miss ya -- LOVE YA

Change

Sometimes I am in awe of the creatures that God has created. The chameleon for example - I find it amazing - how easily it adapts to change (took this picture at the zoo on Nov.6th 2007)

Too bad most humans aren't as easily adaptable. I am not sure about you but I am not.

The whole thing with Heath working in Oklahoma - I can't seem to find my footing - I can't seem to get used to it - you would think after a while I would find a new "normal" a new routine - but I can't - I am completely MISERABLE -- I miss him tremendously and it is only getting worse.

So I am praying that God sends a buyer to my Open House this weekend. Then the kids and I can move without having to pay 2 house payments (YuCk!) and our little family can all be together again.

lastest happenings and random thoughts

This week has just flown by -- like a BLUR --
Heath was here and then gone again way too fast -
and though I am relieved to be Cancer Free it is kind of odd to actually let go of it. Almost like I can't believe it is real. I don't have to fight it anymore and I am FREE from it.

Aside from the cancer stuff nothing seems to be going as "planned" and some moments it can seem to sneak up and strangle me but for the most part I am trying to focus on the fact that just because things aren't happening in "MY TIMING" doesn't mean they aren't going according to HIS -- and honestly THAT IS REALLY THE POINT -- ISN'T IT

Before Heath left Makenna came down with a stomach virus and she missed school everyday except for Monday this week. At one point Makenna was holding her head over the toilet - the dog was throwing up and Noah was saying "mom my stomach is really hurting" For a second I thought "can it get worse" then I took the dog outside and found a lovely dead bird (gross) on my deck. This is one of the things that I took for granted when my husband was home - This would have definitely fallen under the HUSBAND category -- I am telling you this story not to COMPLAIN but to just say that sometimes things FEEL like they are falling apart -- we have all been there - but the GREAT part of the story is that Makenna, Noah, and even the dog are all feeling better and miraculously the dead bird disappeared. I left it on the deck for 2 days because I couldn't stand the thought of having to dispose of it. And on the 3rd day it was GONE. Now I know many of you are thinking - YEAH So WHAT -- but I couldn't help but think that this was just one of the ways that He is looking out for me -- how HE is involved in even the tinyest aspects of my life -- and you know what if He will take care of that little stuff - I know He will not leave me out to dry on the BIG stuff (like selling the house). So I guess what I am saying is that even though we didn't sell the house in record time - I know we will sell it when it is the perfect time

"Let us therefore draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and may find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16

NEW BABY

CONGRATS Ronnie and Ashlee B. on the birth of little Lucas.

as I pray for him and the family God has blessed him with the scripture that keeps playing through my head is this

" For this boy I prayed, and the Lord has given me my petition which I asked of Him"
1 Samuel 1:27

I am so excited for them and I pray that God continues to pour out His blessings upon their family.

can't wait to get to OK to snuggle this new little one

Noah's Favorite Scripture

A few weeks ago Noah proclaimed that Psalm 23 was his "FAVORITE CHAPTER IN THE BIBLE"

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

Even Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me. Thou dost prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; Thou hast anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows/ Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

CANCER FREE

GUESS WHAT !!!!!

IT IS OFFICIAL

I AM CANCER FREE

wanted to share that I had my scan on Monday evening and found out on Tuesday that I will not be needing anymore rounds of radiation -- PRAISE GOD!! -- they didn't see anymore areas of concern so now we will start the process of just getting my body regulated on thyroid replacement medication.

Thank you all so much for your prayers and support- it means so much more than you could ever know -

God is SO AWESOME and I know that HE not only HEARS but HE ANSWERS PRAYERS as well. Please pray for the regulation of the medication, the sale of our home, and most importantly the reuniting of our family!

THANK YOU FOR CELEBRATING THIS WITH ME!!!!

MANY BLESSINGS
Shawnna

HOME :)

My honey is back at home and all is right with the world again.

Now it really feels like HOME again.

Open House

Saturday
:( today's open house was a BUST -- I was really hoping I would come home to at least ONE contract. Maybe I am just too optomistic. I am trying to be patient but I am missing my husband more and more with every passing second.

We are going to do another OPEN HOUSE next SUNDAY NOVEMBER 11 from 1-4 - so if you know anyone in the Houston area who is looking to buy a house please let me know.


Friday
had one showing - the garage couldn't accomodate their vehicle :(
other than that I just cleaned house for the OPEN HOUSE and took Makenna to dance.

Thursday
My mom had to go back to Oklahoma today :( Missing her already. My brother locked the keys in his car and my mom had his spare set in her purse - it wasn't that big of a deal because she was going to leave on Friday or Saturday anyway but being the "planner" that I am it sort of threw me off a bit - We were able to squeeze in a few hours of shopping before she left -- I love to window shop with my mom - :) :) :) -- It will be nice to live closer to her and spend more time with her.

10-26 thru 10-31

OK -- so here is yet another CATCH UP POST FROM ME -- I must be the worst blogger alive .... maybe not the worst but at least I have a good excuse this time ;) :D :P

10-26 Friday until 10-28 Sunday -- still had the yuckies - not sure if it was from the radiation or just some random stomach thing ??? thank goodness my momma is here - I have been SLEEPING all the time -- She must be bored to death -- She has taken the kids to Target a few times and of course to the Dollar Tree (they had $2.00 a piece from recycling cans)

Sunday afternoon Kenneth came over and did pumpkins/jack o' lanterns with the kids they had a good time - Noah wanted nothing to do with cleaning out the inside of the pumpkin :D ;) to slimy for him

10-29 - Monday -Heath called - he was in San Antonio for a business training - I drove out to see him (only about 3 hours) VERY SPUR OF THE MOMENT -- literally decided to do it in about 30 minutes and within an hour of him asking me to come (5:30pm) I was gassed up and on the road - I felt so guilty about not being able to bring the kids along (school and stuff) but it was so nice to be able to just be with my husband. Lucky for me my mom was here and willing to take care of my kiddos for me - She ROCKS!!!

10-30 Tuesday - Spent the day in San Antonio with Heath and he changed his flight until Wednesday so we could have another night together - We went to the RIVER WALK - very romantic at night - Had dinner outside and then headed back to the hotel -

10-31 Wednesday - Dropped Heath off at the airport in San Antonio and drove back to Houston - Shopped a bit with my mom and then it was time to get the kids off the bus and before we knew it it was time to get them ready to go trick or treating - We went with Melissa and her crew - the kids made out like bandits this year - this was the first year that they didn't go to 5-6 houses and want to stop -- I am sure it helped that they were with a group of kids -- They had such a great time ---

Makenna was Cleopatra and Noah was Ash (a Pokemon Trainer)

back again

just to say that I MISS YOU BABE - isn't that pathetic -- I know I can be TOO MUCH at times but I want to call and tell him but he has such a HUGE day tomorrow that I don't want to disturb him

I can't sleep - never imagined I would be going to bed all alone on our 10 year anniversary


- ok - so enough is enough I am putting on my "BIG GIRL PANTIES" as my friend Molly would say - I am going to suck it up - stop my whining and just shut down the pc - turn off the lights and just go to be already - I can do this....... right

peace out ;)
Shawnna

the yucky side of it all

so here is my little grip session
- just to keepin' it real -

• I really don't like nausea
• but I like diarrhea even less

oh and ......

• FAKE PEOPLE REALLY GET ON MY NERVES

that's is all I am saying - now I am going to follow that up with some positives

• Round One of Radiation is OVER!!! (praying there is no need for round 2)
• We had our first showing on the house while I was in the hospital - and though there was no offer - we got some great feedback
• My mom is here :D :D :D
• My kids are coming home tomorrow - and though i have to stay 6 feet away from them I am just so thankful to have them back at home :D :D
• Heath is COMING HOME on the 4th -- I totally can't wait!!!!
• Ashlee didn't have her baby last night - I really want her to wait until I get to Oklahoma so hopefully God will sell this house quickly :)

10-25 IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY

HAPPY 10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY HONEY!!!!
I LOVE YOU and CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU!!!
COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS!

10-24 I AM FREE

First and foremost I just want to PRAISE GOD - Not only did he bring me home safe and sound from the hospital but I was able to come home a day early -- I like to think I was paroled early for good behavior ;) but I am CERTAIN it has something to do with all of you prayer warriors -- THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

Not feeling WONDERFUL but at the same time not feeling as bad as I thought it could be. Having a few issues with eyesight and lots of muscle spasms but that is due to my TSH being so high and not due to the radiation.

They put me on two different thyroid medications to try to bring my TSH level up faster - I may/may not be going to the endochrinologist tomorrow? But the next BIG THING will be my total body scan on Nov 5th - this will tell them

1. if any thyroid cells are left - if so we will do more radiation
2. if there is any cancer anywhere else in my body

So please pray for those things specifically as well as for my entire family.

THANK YOU :D

Shawnna

Solitary Confinement ;) TAGGED and SHOUT OUT TO K

So I am running around today like a chicken with its head cut off doing all those last minute things that one "remembers" that need to be done before I head off to what I am currently referring to "solitary confinement" (although it sounds like a punishment one gets while misbehaving in prison - I like it better than Radiation - and since this is MY BLOG ;) I get to call it whatever I want)

this is the part where everyone nods their head in agreement

are you nodding?????

there you go

thanks



Tag, you're it!
http://erinbassett.typepad.com/creativite/2007/10/tag-youre-it.html tagged me.

Here are the rules which must be posted on your blog if you are tagged:
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself: some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post and list their names (linking to them).
4. Let them know they've been tagged by leaving a comment at their blogs.


Here's 7 facts about me:

• I don't like to be bossed. (although God is teaching me obedience can be an awesome thing)

• I am missing my husband more and more each and every passing second. Thursday is our 10 year anniversary!

• Right now I am more calm about the Cancer than I am about the other drama in my life.

• My friends ROCK! God has blessed me tremendously in this department. I have come to see them as "the FAMILY you get to CHOOSE".

• I think sometimes we go through crazy things so we can be reminded that we do need HIM - I think HE wants us to recognize that and call out to HIM. HE is the only ONE that can be there for us every second of every day. HE is the only ONE that will NEVER LET US DOWN.

• I am totally rockin' out to BETTER DAYS by Robbie Seay Band - I have been trying to figure out how to add a music player to my blog with this song but I can't ever get it to play :( This is an awesome song so check it out if you can - i think it is on youtube ?? OH and if you know how to add music to your blog feel free to throw me a bone and give me a how to in the comments.

• I went over my allowance last month - (but it was to buy a clip it up) my hubby said he would make me one but he has enough on his plate ;) the least I could do was take that off his "to do" list ..... right??? ;)

Now, here's who I'm tagging:

Erin
http://www.giftforgab.blogspot.com/

LindaN (but i like to call her MOMMY even though we aren't biologically related)
http://lynn-scrapppincollector.blogspot.com/

Brenda
http://brendacarpenter.typepad.com/

Gretchen
http://www.gretchenschmidt.blogspot.com/

Brandy
http://www.brandylogan.blogspot.com/

Susan
http://susieqscrapbook.blogspot.com/

Ashlee
http://www.ashluvs2.blogspot.com/

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Wanted to send a quick shout out to my SISTER IN CHRIST -- KARENGirl I LUB LUB LUB U and your words meant more than I could ever express with words!!!

In the Details

I scored over 100 - gee i must be smart ;)
had my bloodwork done today - and the nurse at the oncologists office decided to do a CBC too because I have been feeling so badly - wasn't sure what it was - I thought it could just be the cooler weather we have had lately or just all the dampness/rain - but it looks as though it is due to my TSH being over 100. I needed it to be a 50 to start radiation on Monday (normal range is consider to be between .3 and 3.0) I totally blew that out of the water ;) so guess who has a ticket to the hospital for Mon-Thurs.

IT'S ME
IT'S ME
(said in my best spartan cheerleader voice from SNL)

Send up some prayers for my fam ... would ya
Heath is still in OKLAHOMA
and the kids will be staying with Nicole (whom I often refer to as FUN MOM) she is a wonderful friend who offered to help out.

It seems almost CrAzY to me sometimes when I think of all that is going on - and sometimes I feel really beaten down -- like i am out on a ledge and just begging for someone to throw me a rope or something - Then God does something that ONLY HE COULD DO and I just set back in AWWWE of Him --

Life is GOOD when GOD is in the DETAILS

While most are sleeping

I am playing on the computer/ blogging and just thinking these random thoughts

• Thinking about how much I miss my husband
• about what I can do to help my kids adjust to it all
• what my stinkin' TSH level will be on Thursday
• how nice it was to go back to bed for a few hours today
• about how much fun it was when my two friends woke me up and MADE ME GO TO LUNCH WITH THEM (u know who u r) -- ok so the waking me up part wasn't fun but once i was out of the house I had a really good time -
• and about how today has been so much better (spiritually) for me - had some great quiet time last night and it made a HUGE difference in my attitude today -

so now i say goodbye and I am hoping to enjoy a nice long hot bath and some more quite time with God -- hope HE is still up (good thing we don't really have to ever worry about that) :P :) ;)

Here is some total Momsense

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W95Y8hNQiH8

you have to check this out -- I am sure ALL MOMS can RELATE to this one
too funny - anita renfroe really nailed this -- love the last couple of lines

BECAUSE I SAID SO - and
I AM THE MOM

Tied Together With a SMILE

but coming UNDONE

today I can't help but wondering - What the HECK was I thinking ???!?!?!!!? I couldn't have been serious when I told my husband - insisted in fact - that he take this job in Oklahoma - after all "it is an awesome opportunity -Don't worry about me and the kids - I can handle it - I will stay and sell the house - oh and that cancer - I can totally kick it's rear... in my spare time of course ;) :D :P "

Was I freakin' smokin' CrAcK????

Ok - just typing that makes me feel better -- it is out there and not replaying in my brain anymore - and really I CAN DO THIS - if I couldn't God wouldn't be allowing all of this to happen. So here is to hoping I can actually get some sleep tonight - (and Heath too) - and if not in my bedroom I am going to move down to the sofa -

Thanks for listening
and baby if you are reading this -- I am totally OK - don't worry - I miss you and love you So SO MUCH!!!

10-14 Oklahoma Bound

Heath left this morning and I have been a DISASTER -- I tried to hold it together - No UgLy crying but I definitely had tears in my eyes -- I think I was driving him crazy but I went back out to his truck at least 3 times to give him "one last kiss goodbye"

Noah did better than I expected - I figured he would be the one having the worst time saying goodbye (he was so brave) but it was Makenna - She even asked Heath if she could just go to Oklahoma with him. I of course went upstairs and behind closed doors had a good cry.

We got ready for church and headed out - The kids and I went by ourselves to church - and with the kids in Sunday School it was really hard standing in service and not having Heath beside me to worship. We did have a guest Worship Leader who was amazing though - so that at least helped to keep me focused. He was really ROCKIN' OUT -- and it was so AWESOME

After church -we ate with Drema and of course Makenna wanted to go to her house so she offered to keep the kids while I went to Wal-mart ---- What a LIFESAVER -- that place was a mad house -- and it totally reminded me why I DON'T SHOP on the weekends -- it took an hour and 45 min. and I didn't have to get very much -- UGGGH -- and then when I got home i realized I had to unload everything by MYSELF -- yuck - Heath usually doesn't the unloading and I put stuff away --

Every little thing seems to remind me just how much I already miss my husband. I was putting away laundry and found a pair of khaki shorts he left here and you wouldn't believe how upset I got when I realized this would be the last time I put away his laundry for at least 3 weeks -- I can't even walk into our room without tearing up.

The kids didn't go to bed when they were supposed to - they kept trying to get me to let them sleep in my bed - that is a habit I don't want to start -- it was almost 11 before Noah finally fell asleep - The dog was even acting a fool' tonight -- I guess everyone is missing Heath

10-9 thru 10-13

another post just to catch up

Sat. 10-13 Heath and the kids planted the flowers and the house looks so good - makes me happy everytime I walk up the side walk :D :D - working on a few last minute things and heath had to pack :(

Fri. 10-12 More work on the house - same old same old - Made another trip to Lowe's (for flowers and pots)- they seem to be getting ALL OF OUR MONEY LATELY ;) Friday evening we went out to Melissa's and the kids watched Surf's Up :D :D They are really going to miss their cousins when we move - guess we had better soak it up while we can

Thurs. 10-11 Heath and his dad did the yard work - now I just have to buy some flowers and some pots - I worked in the house - more spackle and paint :) -- Thursday night we went to a JV Football game - the kids had a great time and it was nice to get out of the house and forget about all the work we "should" be doing

Wed. 10-10 - HOUSE STUFF -- blah blah blah -- for dinner we all got together at Ken and Drema's (including Melissa and her crew) couldn't stay out too late because the kids had school the next day but the kids enjoyed being together

Tues. 10-9 House stuff - finished up the baseboards FINALLY and on to spackling the nicks and nail holes - We rented Evan Almighty and had Family Movie Night - :D :D

what's upper

Still cleaning

Saturday - cleaned -

Sunday - worked on A-Z class layout

Monday - Since the kids were out of school we took them to the DOWNTOWN AQUARIUM -- We had a blast and we were able to see all kinds of cool fish. Attached a photo of an OCTOPUS

Friday 10-5

I AM FEELING A BIT BETTER TODAY (still frustrated)- I KNOW IN MY HEART IT WILL ALL WORK OUT IN THE END - I JUST WISH GOD COULD SEND ME A MEMO TELLING ME HOW IT WILL WORK OUT ;) ..... IF ONLY RIGHT :D

LET GO LET GOD
LET GO LET GOD

Thursday 10-04

I found out today that my TSH levelisn't were it needs to be (needs to be 50+ to start radiation and it is 31.4) UGGGGGGGH -- so instead of starting on Monday while my husband is still here (he leaves for Oklahoma for his new promotion on the 14th)I will go back and retest in 2 weeks and then have to see what the results are all over again only this time I will have to find someone to keep the kids for the 4-5 days i am in the hospital and then an additional 7-10 days afterward --

I am so upset about this I am upset about the whole thing - this cancer crap is really crampin' my style and it is totally turning into a DICTATORSHIP -- and i am sick of it -- I had made peace with leaving my kids with their dad to go into the hospital (i don't like being away from the kids) and now I am going to have to leave them with someone who doesn't know their routines/schedules -

I can only imagine how hard it is going to be on everyone especially the kids -- their dad is going to be GONE and now their momma will be out of reach for a long while as well --

UGGGH!!!!

NOT YOUR ORDINARY A-Z CHALLENGE

Monday, September 10, 2007

Not Your Ordinary A-Z Challenge

Not Your Ordinary A-Z Challenge Workshop!Ready to Rock-n-Roll? Can you stand a major shot of scrapping mojo? Are you a giggler or an all out laugher? Can you handle classes like Crabbie Patties, Kiss Me You Fool, Boy Is He Ripped, and more?

Find out this October when The ScrapRoom offers a 6 month long workshop with 26 weekly classes hosted by Susan Costanza and designed to put the excitement back in scrapping and inspire your individual creativity!

We have plenty of inspiration lined up with our amazing workshop Design Team featuring Shirley Standifird, Julie Walton, Jessica Chastain along with Guest Designers Brenda Carpenter and Shawnna Samples! (that is me!!!!)

Check The ScrapRoom website for a free class sample and sign up information!

http://thescraproomclub.invisionzone.com/index.php?showtopic=9972

13 Things

The Lucky 13 Things You Need to Know About Me


1. Scrapbooking rules are made to be broken….I don’t follow them anyway. Heck, I pretty much break all rules in life. I’m dangerous. I’m a rebel.

2. I am doer, not a procrastinator. I like to “Git R Done!”

3. Creating is my passion. It can turn a crappy day into a joyous one.

4. I love Target. Sometimes I wonder if they would notice if I just moved in.

5. I am a night owl. I save getting up early for the birds.

6. I would say I’m fairly organized, but somehow my pile of things to organize multiplies like rabbits.

7. Joy is a Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks.

8. I love fall. We don’t get it in Houston, but I love it.

9. Family is everything to me. My husband and kids can drive me up the wall, but I would be lost without them.

10. Color rocks. I love color so much every room of my house has a different color of paint. This makes it hard to put your house on the market, but it makes me smile.

11. Sweet tea, owls, hedgehogs, flipflops, turquoise, avocado green, pretzels and chocolate chips, Scenic Route, and Yankee Candles make me weak in the knees.

12. Music sooths the savage beast and the determined scrapper. John Mayer, Counting Crows, and Jack Johnson are my current faves.

13. Most importantly I love me some Jesus, and I don’t mind saying so!

thanks for helping me E!!!!

"SHOW TOWELS"

Finding myself in much better spirits
very busy - still tired - but gettin' er done
(that is redneck for making progress) ;)

I figure 2 SAD DAYS and what 2-3 MAD DAYS
isn't too bad for a gal with cancer - right?? :P

so this weekend the kids got to spend their allowances
and we picked out halloween costumes
I got a steal of a deal on a leather sofa and loveseat off
of craigslist -- UNBELIEVABLE DEAL

check out your area listings
www.craigslist.com

Finally won the battle on buying some new towels
Heath was totally against it after all ours are just coming
unravelled - and only a few had holes ;) I explained we
needed a few to stage the house with and if we were going
to buy a few we should go ahead and get a whole set
for a while he stood firm -- "We are not going to buy
SHOW TOWELS" -- he took this from the line in The Break
Up where Gary played by Vince Vaughn is arguing with his
wife about SHOW LEMONS she wanted for a centerpiece.
I will say though that Heath did get points for his valiant effort
but the VICTORY was all mine ;) :P and now i am the lovely owner
of some beautiful beige SHOW TOWELS

Church on Sunday and then Chinese for lunch - a trip to Sam's where
i bought a enormous pack of paper plates - I shouldn't have to wash a
plate for at least 2 months ;) - finally we made our way to Target

Today was PURGING - DONATING - PACKING and some cleaning
*disclaimer: Cleaning was almost entirely done by my neighbor Molly
who is one of my bestest buds*
did you know she cleaned one of my toilets without me even asking- now
that folks is LOVE

We worked on the downstairs bath - the laundry room and a little work in the kitchen
we will pick up in the Kitchen tomorrow and are hoping to also do the dining room - family room - and front living room
not sure if we can get all that done in one day but we are going to try :D :D

So let's all give 3 cheers to the MR. CLEAN MAGIC ERASERS who are now also on my bestest buddy list :D :D :D

overwhelmed and afraid

I must say today has been one of the toughest days -- Nothing really BIG has happened so there is no where to place the "blame" not that that is what I should be doing.

I have been SO TIRED - I don't even want to get up in the morning and sometimes I even go back to bed once the kids get off to school. My to do list is SO HUGE - and I am behind on pretty much all of my commitments (which is not like me at all - one of my pet peeves). And now with the house stuff that needs to be done in order to get it listed on the market I am COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED and feel like a ton of bricks is resting on my shoulders. My neighbor and good friend Molly even came to help me make a list of ALL the House To Do's and she is going to help me next week. She is such a blessing. I don't know what I would do without her.

My role as a mother and wife is even suffering - which makes me feel even worse. I am frustrated with myself and the fact that I can't make it through a few little chores without needing to rest and then I feel frustrated when my spouse comes home and is tired and doesn't feel like helping out -- It is a loose loose situation - I know he is trying and I just have to learn to LET GO a little more

So here is the run down on the last 24 or so hours

• Heath's truck that he just got on Monday had to be towed home - which meant I had to figure out how to get Noah to his doctor appointment this morning -- Heath and his dad tried to figure out what the deal was last night but we ended up having to get it towed from the house to a mechanic $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
• Heath and I had words about how I need help around here and I know he didn't mean it but his words were very hurtful -- He is just as stressed and overwhelmed as I am and when you put two overwhelmed people in a heated discussion it is bound to set off a smoke detector
• Noah had is dr. appointment and I didn't know he had to get shots - which he needed two -He was very upset -- He is deathly afraid of needles - and it didn't help that the nurse was RUDE
• had to drive heath to work which took over an hour there and back -
• I needed to stop at the post office on the way home but realized I left the packages at home so I drove all the way back home
• On the answering machine a women from Noah's dr's office said for me to call her back regarding Noah's LABS (this of course sent me into a fit of worry because the last time someone called this house about lab work it was to tell me I had cancer) I tried to call them back but they were out to lunch
• once i got to the post office the automated machine wouldn't weigh my package so i politely tried to let the postal worker know and she was SO VERY RUDE TO ME -- so rude that I was crying when I left - and really all I wanted to do was let them know it was broken so others didn't waste their time - SO I LEFT and went to another post office
• just feeling like I want to just lie in the fetal position and have a good cry - which stinks
• finally heard back from the dr's office and Noah's labs were NORMAL praise God (but they have never called me back for NORMAL results before - the woman was very sweet and I thanked her)
• while waiting for the school bus I got a call from Noah's school counselor and about the visit they had today - she said he was holding back tears and that his "Life is So Serious Right Now"

after that conversation I really lost it - I felt so afraid - How in the world would I be able to help my children through this if I couldn't even manage myself

My neighbor ended up getting the kids off the bus and I went to my room for a good cry and some time with the Lord. These are the verses He shared with me

"I sought the Lord and He answered me. And delivered me from all my FEARS." Psalm 34:4

"My flesh and my heart may fail. But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26

I don't have to KNOW how to handle everything - Through HIS STRENGTH and HIS WISDOM I will be able to handle these "bad days" and hopefully the closer I draw to HIM the fewer "bad days" I will have

Blessings and love to you all

MORE RAK's

THANK YOU ANGELA (aloughridge) FOR THE RAK -(tons of clear plastic bags and some super cute brads) - SUPER CUTE!!!
and SO SO APPRECIATED!!!

KOINONIA - TSR GALS

I got an awesome little package today
and it was from ALL OF MY TSR GALS
www.scrap-room.com
I was totally freaking out
i had to call my dh at work
HE COULDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER

I can't say enough what it means that they have POURED out their blessings upon our family - and it couldn't have come at a better time - literally i have 1/2 of a half gallon of milk in the fridge and this morning i was praying that the kids wouldn't want waffles and not cereal (as my dh doesn't get paid until friday) then i could make the milk last a while longer -- (normally i wouldn't admit this kind of stuff because quite frankly it is embarassing - but I want you to know how God has used these gals in my life in a very REAL way)

SO THIS IS ME HUMBLY THANKING THEM FROM THE VERY BOTTOM OF MY HEART

no one has ever done this kind of stuff for me (or my family) before - and it is amazing to see how GOD has blessed me with this message board - and i am not just talking about an atg gun -refills - TSR Kits - 100 gc to hobby lobby - 30 dollars CASH - ENDLESS R.A.K.s - plus $50 gc to Pizza Hut --$50 gc to SUBWAY and $25 to SONIC (from Erin LindaN and T) -- Their endless support and encouragement - their friendship -- their uplifting spirits - I could go on and on - but since i am now crying and the screen is looking blurry i will just leave you with this

THEY have showed me the true meaning of KOINONIA which is best translated as GOD'S LOVE in ACTION. Koinonia is agape or unconditional love in action. -- other words used to translate are FELLOWSHIP -PARTNERSHIP - SHARING - STEWARDSHIP

It is hard for me to even imagine this kind of love let alone be living in it - but I believe this type of love isn't humanly possible. I believe God placed HIS SPIRIT within us to enable us to love as HE LOVES. And I want you to know I have seen this kind of LOVE through their actions and I am SO THANKFUL I LOVE THEM ALL

Your Church EXPERIENCING GOD TOGETHER

The bible study I am working on is

Your Church EXPERIENCING GOD TOGETHER

by Henry T. Blackaby and Melvin D. Blackaby

Forgiveness or the lack there of

While working though this bible study I am starting to see some things about myself that I really just don't like. I am finding that I don't extend grace to some as easily as I should. There are a select few people who- when they mess up, or hurt me, or just let me down - I begrudingly hold unto that hurt and frustration. I am starting to see how this UNFORGIVENESS is adding bricks to the wall I am building between God and me. NOT GOOD - not good at all. So I am in prayer as to what God wants me to do about this -- should I confess to the person and ask for forgiveness or would this just make them feel bad ???? I am sure God will reveal it to me.

"If you forgive people their wrongdoing, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don't forgive people, your Father will not forgive your wrongdoing."
Matthew 6:14-15

Below is a passage from the study i am doing

There are no irreconcilable differences among GOD'S PEOPLE. If there were, that would mean there was a limit to God's ability to forgive you as well. The cross would be void of its meaning. WE MUST FORGIVE AS CHRIST HAS FORGIVEN US --- TOTALLY, FOREVER.

those last two words are were i struggle the most -- TOTALLY, FOREVER -- after all I am a list maker - a score keeper of sorts -- I tend to forgive (so i call it) but then I check a tally mark next to the persons name -- so i will NEVER FORGET -- almost as if I kept index cards stored in my brain with the exact circumstance that happened to cause me to be upset with this person. And with some I may never bring the instance up again - but it is still there. However with my husband I do retrieve those cards as if to post them up -- THE SCORE IS 5 to 1 -- like a huge "YOU ARE MEANIE" BANNER -- it is really horrible and I am so so ashamed of myself -- I can't even believe I am admitting to this -- now my sudden urge is to hold down the BACKSPACE KEY until this entire paragraph is deleted - but really this is who I am right now - Not one of my better points but something I want to work on --

So this is me slowing tearing down the wall of UNFORGIVENESS i have been building. I don't want to be someone who just ACTS RIGHT on the outside when I think someone is watching. My desire is to strive to BE RIGHT. By "being right" I am speaking of the heart,the core of my existence.

Here is to LEARNING and GROWING through CHRIST

Tuesday September 18th thru Friday September 21

Ok let me just say -- this week has FLOWN BY -- where did it go - I so want to blog everyday and I mean to - it just isn't working - so here is yet another catch up post

Tuesday - worked on my bible study -- There is some pretty deep stuff in there - Emailed my doctor about being so tired and stuff - he wants me to come in for some blood work - he says he may have to up my Rx??

Wednesday - went to bible study - it was very interesting it is with a group of ladies I have never been in study with before (which is a little scary at first but SO AWESOME - it is great to hear their perspectives and share in their knowledge) I had such a great time - and can't wait to go back next week -- I originally was just going to jump in where I was (they started the study two weeks ago) but I am really learning so much that I am now starting from the beginning and working through -- I hope to be caught up with everyone else by next Wed.

Molly and I went to lunch and then to the mall -- We had so much fun - she needed makeup and I needed to get my nephew a birthday present

Went to ITZ's for Cristion's birthday party -- We had such a fun time - I will have to take the kids back before we move - it was such a cool place

Thursday -- met with the oncologist - he did blood work and then I had to have more blood work done at my other doctors office -- OUCH

I will hopefully be going into the hospital for radiation in about 2 weeks - it all depends on my TSH Level -- (they took me off of my meds today) they can't do the radiation until it reaches 50+ -- but they drew blood today to see where i am and i will just go back every week or so until it gets to 50+ then they will order the "PILL" (the doctor joked about how they will order it CUSTOM just for me - GEEE aren't I special ;) -- and I can be admitted on the following Monday for treatment -- They had previously said 3 days but i was thinking that meant go in on monday and then come home around noonish on Wed. -- today i found out it will be at least 3 (24 hour days) and could be up to 5 -- it just depends on how quickly my body gets rid of the
yucky stuff ;) they can't let me be out and about while I am GLOWING ;)-- once I am down to a certain level I will be able to go home but even then i will still be radioactive (for seven more days) so I can't be around the kids - or anyone that is pregnant or of "childbearing age" -- and also i have to sleep alone (and with my husband about to be leaving for his job this is not what we had in mind )

Sounds crazy right -- there were all these crazy things that i have to do -- like don't share a toilet with anyone -- wash my eating utensils seperate from everyone else's (or use disposable) don't share drinks -- the kids can't even sit in my lap

and while i am in the hospital - I can't have VISITORS - can you imagine being confined to one room for so many days -- JEEPERS - I am liable to go NUTS-O in there ;)

on the job front - Heath took the job in Oklahoma and he will start on OCT 15 -- EEEK right around the corner -- but they gave him an AWESOME relocation package - so that is exciting

we had someone come to look at the house Thursday night -- I was so hoping he would want to buy it (he flips houses and has rental property I think?) then maybe we could all move down together or shortly after -- but he called today and said it wouldn't be a great investment for him - I think because he usually buys them dirt cheap because they are already beat up and run down (and since ours isn't) and we have only owned it for 4 years we aren't in a position to give him a LOW LOW deal

you don't know of anyone who wants to buy a house in the Houston area do you ???? :D :D

Friday - Worked on my Bible Study -- SO LOVING IT - i have done three loads of laundry - vacuumed the upstairs (even vacuumed the kids ceilings - i know it sounds crazy but the ceiling fan was blowing dust onto them and well once i get started cleaning - it is really hard for me to stop) made all the beds - then i got sick YUCK - hope it doesn't have anything to do with them taking me off of my meds????? The kids will be home in about an hour and a half -- we don't have anything big planned for the weekend so hopefully they will just want to play and hang out - I could really go for a LOW KEY couple of days

Pencil Bouquet

This is a picture of 1 of 4 pencil bouquets I made for teachers/secretary's at the kids school

I purchased the container (would be super cute as a candy dish once all the pencils are gone) at Hobby Lobby - it was 1/2 off of 3.99 so very reasonable -- the pencils were .97 cents at target and the leaves and berries were bought at hobby lobby as well (the swag was 1/2 off of 9.99 but it had enough leaves for at least 3 pencil bouquets) Oh and I just used floral foam in the container and poked the leaves and pencils into it - had to use a little hot glue here and there but what craft project is complete without that stuff ; ) : D

9-14 thru TODAY RECAP

Friday - i was busy getting ready to leave for Caddo Mills - had a few hiccups in our plan that almost pushed me over the edge - feel like i am trying to balance on a teeny tiny tight rope and people keep throwing more and more things for me to catch - it all worked out in the end and we mananged to get there safely around midnight

Heath was offered the job in OKLAHOMA on Thursday - he accepted the offer today pending the amount of the relocation package

Saturday - We had the best time with Heath's family in Caddo (NE of Dallas)- I can't wait to share some pictures - the kids had a blast -- Makenna just LOVES Maddie to death - neither one of them wanted the other to leave - The kids roasted marshmallows - YUMMY - we got to see almost everyone - We got tons of mesquito/ant bites but it was so worth seeing everyone and just hanging out outside - it was like a family reunion - lots of people and even more FOOD- we got home around 1:30 am

Sunday - Church - lunch with Heather and her girls at Fuddrucker's - YARD WORK (which seriously wore me out) All I did was trim the hedges and get the grass out of the sidewalk but man I felt like i could sleep for an eternity after that -- MET WITH THE REALTOR

Monday - slept until 11:40 -Lunch with my mil -THANKS!!! it was so yummy - Met with realtor again to discuss what she thought we needed to do and what she wanted to list the house for

today was pretty rough - I am feeling overwhelmed with all that is going on in my life -- I think I have surrendered and waved my white flag AGAIN and AGAIN - the kids were really rough on me tonight - i think they are really struggling with all that is going on too -

I am excited to start preparing for the NEW BIBLE STUDY I will be attending at church on WED mornings (Your Church Experiencing GOD Together) really praying that the time I spend preparing will really get me focused on the things that are important in my life. I know that this "craziness" is only a season and it WILL PASS. Sometimes I loose sight of that

BLESSINGS TO YOU AND YOURS

9/13/07 Thurs BIG MISTAKES

Have to do laundry today -- and i should have but i decided to bail out and have some fun with my girls --- They needed to shop for clothes and I went along to be their fashion consultant -- I guess that is one good thing about having a friend who is BRUTALLY HONEST ;) We all had a blast

Today I realized i made a BIG BOO BOO -- this is probably the BIGEST $$ messup I have ever made in my entire life (except for buying that chevy s10 pickup - the resale value on that thing was horrible) So PRAISE GOD I have such a forgiving husband - if he would have messed up our checking acct. this bad I may have divorced him *(totally kidding - but I am sure I would have yelled)* So I have apologized to ALL INVOLVED and I am just PRAYING that God will help me out of this mess. This is VERY HUMBLING -- which can be a bit painful - OUCH! But it is a lesson that I needed, I am sure.

Wanting to finish the last pencil bouquet tonight for Noah's NEW teacher -- I will take a picture and upload it later to show you. I know someone was asking about them in the comments --

We are leaving to go out of town tomorrow so I will be OUT-IE for the weekend -- Hope you all have a GREAT ONE :D :D

9/12/07 WEDNESDAY

wed. was by far the most productive day I have had since my surgery
I really believe some of this tiredness is just mental --
Yesterday I cleaned 2 bathrooms (that were disgusting-- really i am ashamed I was even letting my family go in there) and i did dishes --- and i also did a few loads of laundry
WOOOO HOOOO
i was so tired but i just pushed through it -- am i sore today --YEP -- but it is so worth having a clean bathroom

decided today that i am going to go to wed. morning bible studies at church with molly
even though there wasn't a study that REACHED out and GRABBED me - I am going to do it anyway -- and I know God will bless my efforts -- it is more than i am doing know

I used to do bible studies ALL THE TIME - I was always working on something either in a group setting or on my own -- but i have been so lazy this past year -- I have to admit -- SHAMEFULLY -- that I have been just sort of reading the bible -- not even really digging in -- just sort of skimming -- SO hopefully this bible study will help me push through to the next level

9/11 FREEDOM

today, 9/11/2007, I am so thankful for the life that I have, the country I live in, and all the men and woman who serve this great country.

When I think back to that day 6 years ago I can't help but get teary eyed. I wonder about all the families that were touched by this tragedy. How they are doing now. My heart (and my prayers) go out to them.

Today was pretty laid back for me. I ended up sleeping until almost noon. Seems like I need about 10 -12 hours of sleep a night versus my usual 4-6 hours. Maybe all that "lack of sleep" is just catching up to me. The doctors say to just take it easy but I can't help but notice all the dust and of course the ring that is forming around the bathtub ;)

One of my bestest buddies took me out to lunch today and then to Hobby Lobby. We had a BLAST!!!! -- THANK YOU MOLLY - you are truly too too sweet.

I also got ANOTHER RAK in the mail -- THANK YOU SHELL ORIOLD for the awesome pack of DAISY D's PAPER -- it is BEAUTIFUL!

I managed to clean the 1/2 bath downstairs today!! YEAH! GO ME!! :D :D now tomorrow I will tackle the other 2 bathrooms - make phone calls - and do laundry (ok so maybe I have so hefty goals but being positive can't hurt, right?)

Not Your Ordinary A-Z Challenge

Not Your Ordinary A-Z Challenge Workshop!

Ready to Rock-n-Roll? Can you stand a major shot of scrapping mojo? Are you a giggler or an all out laugher? Can you handle classes like Crabbie Patties, Kiss Me You Fool, Boy Is He Ripped, and more?

Find out this October when The ScrapRoom offers a 6 month long workshop with 26 weekly classes hosted by Susan Costanza and designed to put the excitement back in scrapping and inspire your individual creativity!

We have plenty of inspiration lined up with our amazing workshop Design Team featuring Shirley Standifird, Julie Walton, Jessica Chastain along with Guest Designers Brenda Carpenter and Shawnna Samples! (that is me!!!!)

Check The ScrapRoom website on September 30th for a free class sample and sign up information!

Free Pass Giveaway!

Would you like to win a FREE pass to the Not Your Ordinary A-Z Challenge Workshop? ($40.00 Value!) TSR will be giving away THREE FREE PASSES!!!

All you have to do is go here http://thescraproomclub.invisionzone.com/index.php?showtopic=9435&st=0&gopid=150093&#entry150093 and reply to the thread, and you will be entered into a drawing for one of three free passes to be given out randomly. Winners will be announced on September 30th!

MY CUP OVER FLOWS Sept. 10 follow up with the surgeon

had my follow up with the surgeon today it was pretty uneventful -- He said the incision looks good and that he felt good about the amount of tissue he was able to remove -- He wanted to know who my oncologist was and when my appt. was with him yadda yadda but no new news or anything

started off in a "not so great" mood today slept until almost NOON - and was still tired - not to mention RUNNING BEHIND. Had several phone calls to make and had to leave messages with everyone (knowing i wouldn't be home to recieve the return calls). Was a little erked with the dr. appt. But when I got home I had a SUPER FABULOUS MAIL DAY!!!

I can't even believe all the RAK's my friends from TSR sent --
Molly Joly sent me 4 packs of mini me primas
Shirley sent me a beautiful card as well as some "SUPER STAR" bling
and several of the girls chipped in and bought me THIS MONTHS KIT (+ the embellie kit and paper add on) from The Scrap Room
www.scrap-room.com

MY CUP OVERFLOWS
I can't even begin to express the gratitude that is in my heart
I am OVERWHELMED with emotion
When I recieved the kit I immediately thought
"OH NO Tammy accidentally sent me a kit"
(i spent some money at the lss and had to pass on the
kit because things are REALLY TIGHT around here - dr bills and such)
I was so surprised to see the note that said my TSR gal pals all chipped in and got it for me thank you SO SO SO MUCH -- I don't know how I managed to make such awesome friends I DON'T DESERVE ANY OF THIS - but I am SO THANKFUL to have such AWESOME women in my life.

DOODLE

http://homegrownhospitality.typepad.com/ Steph left me the SWEETEST shout out on her blog -- and she even made me this super fab doodle!

THANK YOU SO MUCH STEPH!!!

Some BLINKIE love

Mikey at TSR made this SUPER COOL Blinkie in support of my current health issues. You know the "C" word. Tons of the girls at TSR http://www.scrap-room.com/ are sporting them in their signature. I can't help but get all mushy when I see this.

September 9th Sunday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELISSA
today is my sister in laws birthday - so I had to give her a proper SHOUT OUT ;)

today is also GRANDPARENTS DAY so happy day to all those with grandchildren

tired and sore today - swept the floor - did some laundry - rested -- but still tired and sore
I think I am starting to get the feeling back in my neck and OUCH -- pain wise this is one of the THREE BAD DAYS - YUCK

In other news......
I am really wanting to do a Bible Study -- prayed about the few that the Women's Group at my church are doing on Wed. morning. None of them really JUMPED OUT at me. So not sure what that is about. Hoping God will give me some direction.

Sept. 8th SATURDAY

Saturday
I was surprised by a LOVELY (LOVE,ELSIE) Riley RAK (random act of kindness) by my buddy Lan -- She sent me the FRIENDS Chipboard album - the soft charms - and the rubons - WHAT A SWEETIE

also I neglected to mention that my friend SHELLBOWIE sent me some awesome transparencies she made using the Hambly OWL Rubons -- (I love Owls) she also made a super sweet OWL iron on -- can't wait to use it :D

Today was BUSY BUSY - made 17 halloween cards for a upcoming Swap on TSR. I still have 20 more to make but I am feeling good with my progress thus far

Went to eat at OTB with Melissa and her pal - We had a good time - fun to just get out of the house a bit -- OH EXCEPT for the part where I tried to eat a chip --- hmmmm....... surgery and chips don't mix well -- I thought I was going to CHOKE TO DEATH -- which was kind of funny when you think about it -- because.... well.... I do have cancer ---- could you imagine dying at the corner both at ON THE BORDER -- ok so maybe i have a freakishly weird sense of humor - but i found it funny

Had a long phone call with my cousin Tasha - LOVE THAT GAL -- LOVE HER TO PIECES

So today was a good day (said in my best ICE CUBE voice)

EVERYTHING SKIT

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?view...63418003b47d7d5

This is a very POWERFUL MESSAGE!! the ending is BEAUTIFUL

BLESSED and FORGIVEN Friday September 7th

God is so good and amazing ALL the TIME.
I think He somehow honored my turnaround yesterday (not the cussing - we are still in discussions about this) He used that low time for me to submit -- to give up my cross, so to speak -- and then when I did (i am a little slow - it took me most of the day) He blessed me with such an AMAZING - OUT of SIGHT day today!

• Tonya brought me a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte and we had a wonderful visit
• I enjoyed lunch with my mother in law (and dessert)
• I delivered 3 Pencil bouquets to teachers/employees at the school (i was blessed by their appreciation)
• A friend (Lisa) brought dinner over for my family
• Heath got off ON TIME and we all enjoyed dinner as a family (i don't know when we did that last)
• Heather stopped by for a visit
• Nicole came and hung out with me this evening

It was an AWESOME (and tiring) DAY!

The point is God knows I am going to mess up - I am going to fall down - but the BEST part of the story is - I AM FORGIVEN and LOVED anyway

so today I am felling blessed and forgiven - and though I am not worthy, I don't deserve it, I DIDN'T EARN IT - He has poured out HIS MERCY and HIS GRACE again and again -

ANGER September 6th THURSDAY

I have to admit the anger snuck up on me. It was like a nasty germ infecting my whole body. I wasn't even fighting it for most of the day. I found myself cursing my dryer.

Yep I said it -- I CURSE -- I am not proud of it but it is one of those things - like riding a bike -- you don't FORGET how to do it - when I feel things are out of control - when I am angry -- I jump on the CUSS WAGON -- It isn't pretty - OLD HABITS aren't always easy to shake -- don't get me wrong - I don't go around cussing in front of my kids - or dropping "F" bombs -- but in those little moments when I am by myself I will let out a D*amn it or a Sh*t -- and today my anger/frustration targeted my dryer as well as a family member (although i didn't cuss the family member)

You would think that having a $548 electric bill would mean that your towels would be dry when the dryer buzzed -- Let me say now - just for the record - that is not always the case.

Anyway around 5 or so I finally decided that being angry wasn't really helping and that it took far less energy to just get over it and stop trying to find reasons to be mad. The real reason I was made was that I have C A N C E R. It isn't anyones fault. It just happened. And I can choose to let it choke me with anger and resentment OR I can try to see the positive.

The positive being that I am learning to just GO WITH THE FLOW - I don't have to get every item checked off on my to do list everyday. SOMETIMES YOU NEED HELP and if you don't allow people to help you you are actually causing them to miss out on God's blessings (as well as the blessing it would be for you to HAVE their help)

So in closing, am I angry I have CANCER? -- YEP -- does that make a difference? -- NOT AT ALL --

AMERICAN GIRL DREAMS

Makenna - My little girl has wanted an American Girl for about 3 years (she had a friend in preschool that was an ONLY CHILD ;) and had all kinds of American Girl stuff) So my mother bought her the EMILY doll, with accessories, of course for her birthday.

It came in the mail yesterday. Yes, I know that Makenna's birthday was actually at the end of June but my mom wanted to make sure that this is what she wanted. We gave Makenna the big speech - You know you could get a lot of other stuff for $102 -- and while Makenna went back and forth on weather she wanted to get the MOLLY doll or the EMILY doll - she was certain she WANTED an AMERICAN GIRL DOLL

I can't even tell you or explain the excitement on her face. It was priceless. ***yes i did indeed take pictures, i am a scrapbooker after all***

Emily and Makenna were inseperable for the entire night - She even fixed a special spot for Emily on her bed.

This morning she put her doll back into the box and left her on the kitchen table so she could "unwrap her again when she got off the bus" - ISN'T that just the CUTEST THING!!!

So thank you MOM for making my little girls dream of owning her own REAL American Girl come true.

PERSPECTIVE on SALE for $10.15 September 04 2007

Tuesday was the first day for me to get the kids off to school on my own. My mother was here last week and Monday was a Holiday. It was rough. I won't lie. The alarm went off and I seriously thought about keeping the kids home for the day. Then I realized that wouldn't work. I had a dr. appointment and I could drag the kids along if we played hooky from school. ;)

Got them to the bus AHEAD of time. WHOOO HOOO SCORE 1 for Momma!!

Heath came home about 9 from Little Rock, Arkansas (job interview for Tulsa). I had gone back to sleep for about an hour after getting the kids on the bus. RELUCTANTLY I finally got up - showered - got ready for my doctor appointment.

The appointment went well - the doc said he hadn't heard from the surgeon so no news was good news but that he would call their office to get all the blood work/ pathology reports etc. He up'ed my Rx and said I needed come back in 2 months WHOO HOO - I was so excited to hear that that I decided to treat myself to lunch at the tea room. YEP I WENT ALL BY MYSELF

I came home to put my left overs in the fridge before picking my mother in law up from work (i had borrowed her car to go to the doctor) The phone was ringing and it was the dr's office. I immediately thought "I must have left my debit card" (a few nights before my surgery heath and I had dinner together and I left my card at the resturant) Unfortunetly, that WASN'T what the were calling about.

The nurse said that the doctor needed to speak with me as soon as possible about my pathology results - When could I come in? - I said if he can see me right now I can come but that I had to leave in 30 min. to get my mother in law from work. She said to come in.

I knew it wasn't good but something in me kept saying "Stop thinking the worst - it could be something else..... couldn't it?" That is were the doubt came sneaking in.

Shortly after arriving they called me back and I waited - probably only a few minutes but my mind was racing so it seemed like an eternity. He peeked in, as if to make sure he had the right room. I jokeingly said (with tear filled eyes) "You are scaring me - calling me back up here." He said down next to me and put his hand on my leg and said "I am so sorry" -- the tears are streaming down my face at this point -- "It is cancer."

We talked a little about his concerns (the fact that there was one larger spot with several smaller ones as well) - we talked about what would happen next, and then he asked if I had any questions -- I said I didn't think so

at one point I started to feel so embarrassed/ashamed of my tears that I said through a nervous laugh "I am so sorry, I don't know why I am crying" and his answer was "Because you have CANCER" --

Honestly he is such a great doctor - He is so funny - we are usually cracking jokes - at one time he even said -- "Everyone will be wearing funny suits (talking about when i have to stay in the hospital for radiation) you will get a big kick out of it" - then he said " You'll be GLOWING" of course I couldn't let that go so my reply was -- "what do you mean I am ALREADY GLOWING"
we had a little chuckle

I bravely made it out of the office and to the car and as i sat down in the drivers seat I felt like the whole car was in one of those salvage machines and it was all being crushed around me - I couldn't breath - I couldn't think - through sobbing and shallow breaths I called Heath and said he had to come home right away - He said to stay there and I said I had to pick up his mom and that I was going to talk to the pastor while i was at the church

I pulled it together so I could drive a few miles to the church - after all I couldn't walk in there BAWLING (or at least this was what I was thinking)

I made it inside and was going to take Drema (mother in law) her keys and then it happened. Ellie stopped me and wouldn't let me proceed - I was saying "No I am fine - I just need to give Drema her keys" and then she HUGGED ME -- and right then and there the wall fell and I couldn't hold in my tears anymore -- Ellie has the best hugs = Like a Momma Bear - She was soft and just for a second I forgot I was in the front of the church where EVERYONE could see me and let down me guard. After a few seconds this thought came back to me but I was way to gone -- I was in the midst of the UGLY CRY -- you know what I am talking about - the one with snot and lots of sobbing - By the time I tried to stop it - it was all I could do to breath -- then came the AFTER CRY -- you are trying not to cry but you are still doing the shallow breath thing

Ellie asked if I wanted her to get Drema and I just said I wanted to talk to Larry (our pastor) She got him for me. I kind of feel sorry for him looking back on it - You know that look in a man's eye when a woman is crying -- not sure if he was scared that I was crying or if he was just trying to figure out what was wrong - I was a MESS -- (insert more "AFTER CRY" here) Larry was great though He prayed with me and then I just refused to let anyone HUG ME --

I think I should make a shirt that says something like

PLEASE DON'T HUG ME
(you will make me cry - you know you don't want that)

I think it would be funny - don't you ???

After that I came home to my WONDERFUL HUSBAND who was perfect - he even let me bail out and go to HOBBY LOBBY for 1.5 hours (it takes a SUPER DUPER DAD to do that) Heath was great - He was there when I needed to just be held and told everything is going to be ok and he was there when I wanted to be left alone - when I wanted to get out - get away from all the phone calls - questions - and just get some GOOD OLE' RETAIL THERAPY

and surprisingly for the small price of $10.15 I left hobby lobby with a little perspective
(thanks Molly for helping me runaway for just a second - oh and for bringing me back home too)

PLEASE SIT DOWN

Ok -- I don't want anyone to freak out
so let me first say that EVERYTHING is GOING to BE FINE

but I need to say that yesterday I found out that I have cancer

The doctor said he was most concerned about the fact that there was one larger spot with several smaller spots growing

But I don't want you to worry because the truth is if you are going to have cancer - Thyroid cancer is the best kind to have -- the fatality rate is remarkably low and as long as we take care of it and just watch to make sure it doesn't pop up anywhere else IT WILL BE FINE

The sucky part is that I have to go back into the hospital for radiation (only 2-3 nights) but I hate sleeping (or not sleeping) at the hospital -- they come in every hour to check on you and takeyour blood pressure UUUGHHHHH

so there it is --
the ugly truth
just thought you should know

(i am going to be posting my thoughts and feelings here in the upcoming weeks -- so if mushy stuff isn't your thing then consider yourself warned ;)

Surgery went well

today was my first day back on the pc so just trying to get caught up
still recovering so I will post more of an update later

Changes

Today I found out that they changed the hospital and the date/time of my surgery. So now it will be MONDAY AUG 27 (which is my kids first day back to school)

Change is not always my strong suit -- ok lets get real - I HATE CHANGE - I like to "feel" like I am in control (even though I know that GOD is the only one who has any control) So when I have to start scribbling in my planner and rearrange all my plans (especially with such short notice) it grates on my nerves. So I am really trying to just LET GO and LET GOD through all of this

But for a gal that is an obsessive compulsive CONTROL FREAK -- it is FrEaKiN HaRd!!!!

Surgery is Scheduled

UPDATE (they changed it to MONDAY AUG 27th 2007)

found out yesterday that my surgery is
scheduled for Aug 30th at 10:30 am

so I have less than 8 days WOW - not a lot
of time to get all these little things around here done
and do a through CLEANING - Guess I will have
to be happy with just doing what I can :D

Noah is still improving - and I am SO SO THANKFUL
to see him walking around

The kids will start school on Monday -- seems like
the summer just zoomed by -- they are both VERY
EXCITED about it -

will try to update as much as possible but it really
just depends on how busy i am until the surgery and
how I feel after the surgery

Thanks for everyones prayers and support - I know
He hears you :D :D

Last Week's Run Down

SUNDAY (today) Laundry - grocery list/menu - Heath went to buy the groceries - catch up on email and paperwork - hopefully pay some bills -- Noah has already improved so much - he can walk up and down the stairs now - slowly but surely

SATURDAY - They said he had Transient Synovitis - and it can last 1 -3 weeks but he was able to go home - We were so thankful it wasn't something more serious - got home from Texas Childrens Hospital around 8am - So we slept for most of the day

FRIDAY - Noah had an X ray in the morning and his 2nd appointment for the day at 2:20 - his dr. said that the xray showed that his bone was protruding a bit (because of fluid) and that is labs also showed signs of fluid build up - he would need and ultrasound and probably have to have the fluid drained -- THIS IS WHEN I STARTED TO FREAK A LITTLE - She tried to get a hold of some pediatric orthopedics but they were all gone for the day already - She said we needed to take him down to Texas Children's Hospital and have him seen - apparently this fluid can damage the bone if it is left untreated - When Noah heard that he would have to go to the dr. AGAIN (this would be the 6th time in 2 days) all he could say was "I am not going to have to miss High School Musical 2, am I ??" I asked the dr. if he needed to go right away or if it was something that could wait until either his dad got off of work or possibly in the morning - she said she didn't want us to wait any longer than the morning
Noah got to watch High School Musical and when heath got home from work we took him down town to the Children's Hospital. They did an ultrasound (which was painful for him) and could see the fluid - since it was clear they said they weren't sure if they would drain it or not - his white blood cell count was normal also indicating that it wasn't infection so they tried to get in touch with his pediatrician to see if they wanted him to be observed for 24 hours - this took a while and around 7:15 am they came in and said Noah would be able to go home and we would just have to give him his meds and watch him and if it got worse bring him back in -- I was so so so happy that they didn't need to drain it --

THURSDAY - Noah woke up limping still. Noah had an appt. with his pediatrician in the A.M. - HE HAS STREP THROAT ? Crazy - no fever - no complaints of sore throat - but sure enough a positive throat culture - She didn't seem too concerned with his leg.
That afternoon he had an appointment with his Neurologist who could obviously tell he was in pain - by this time it was much worse and Heath and I were carrying him - at one point heath thought we should just skip his Neurologist appointment and take him straight to the ER - anyway the Neurologist recommended we either take him back to the dr. or take him to the ER - We stopped at my brother in laws house so he could give him a quick look see (he is an RN in the ER) He thought it might just be a pulled groin muscle. I wasn't really sure if it was something that warranted an ER visit or not so we called his dr. and since it was already after 4pm they told us to take him to the after hours clinic - they ended up doing some blood work (NOAH DIDN'T LIKE THIS PART AT ALL) and set him up for an Xray for the following day and another appointment. They were thinking it was Post Streptoccal Anthropothy were the strep virus settles in a joint causing it to collect fluid and become inflammed

WEDNESDAY - house stuff - Wed. evening Noah said his leg was hurting - he woke up in the middle of the night and was limping - I thought maybe he slept on it funny or something

TUESDAY - My last day of work - Officially a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) again :D :D

The CRaZyNeSS that is MY LIFE

right now -- this season -- it will pass -- and then i will look back and LAUGH at my worries - at my fears - at all the WRINKLES my anxiety has given me :D :D



Went back to the doctor last thursday to find out that all 3 tumors WERE NOT BENIGN one was and 2 of the test were inconclusive -- I guess when the doctor emails you "everything is ok, come and see me when you are back in town" it isn't the same as EVERYTHING IS BENIGN -- ooopsie -- at least i was able to relax some on the latter part of my vacation. So all of that being said I have an appointment on the 20th to meet with the surgeon for a pre op appointment. Will be having a subtotal thyroidectomy unless when they get in there it is cancer and if so they will have to remove everything. No worries (not too many at least) this way i will not have to see my endochrinologist every two months, but only once a year -- and what is a 4-5 inch scar on my neck anyway - NO BIG DEAL -- IT WILL BE SUPER COOL COME HALLOWEEN TIME -- at least this is what i am hoping - and if not guess i can invest in some turtlenecks



Thanks again for all your well wishes and cyber HUGS ;)

they are greatly appreciated



LoVE and BLESsInGs to you all

BACK FROM VACATION :D :D

just came back last night
we had such a great time
haven't unpacked yet or
gotten pics off my camera
so I will post more about our
trip later

but wanted to pop in and say
that we got some GREAT news
from the doctors on Wednesday
all three tumors were benign

YEAH -- have another appointment
on Thursday :D :D :D

Had my appointment with the specialists today. Didn't go as well as I had hoped but then again I was thinking something along the lines of "Those tumors are A o.K. don't even worry about them - come back and see me in a year"

well needless to say it went a little differently

I HAD TO HAVE 3 biopsies -- OUCH!!!!

i think that was just cruel and unusual punishment
I mean someone jabbing a needle up/down all around very near your voice box -
- NOT PLEASENT not at all
and really there is barely any "meat" there
a couple of time i could have swore he stabbed me right in the throat
and the fact that the dr. said it would feel "sort of"
(looking back that sort of should have been a clue) like
having your blood drawn -- THIS WAS A BOLD FACE LIE
and he knew it -- after he did the first I think he thought I
wasn't going to let him continue -- but since dh was there
I HAD TO

SO other than the painful needle jabbing -- and the fact that i heard the "C" word more times than i would like to it was a total success

Still sore but feeling much better than i did during the first two hours after the procedure

We will hopefully have some "C" free news next Tuesday

Please continue to keep me in your prayers

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the big day
Well.... I guess since it is after 2am it is TODAY
So ready to just get this dr. appointment over with
Something in the back of my head is saying that
it is all fine and after I meet with the dr. tomorrow
I will feel silly for worrying so darn much
but then there is that part that says that the
above mentioned thinking is to keep me from SOBBING
:D
Who knows ?!?!

Seriously -- all joking aside -- IT WILL BE FINE

Right now i think I am more concerned with my hubby
he just found out today the the promotion he was offered
has been rescended because they switched district managers
and now there is a new DM over the store that he was offered
I know he is disappointed and it may all still work out but I think
he is just so sick of all the back and forth stuff -- It is hard when
our husbands are disappointed - I so want to fix this for him
but it just isn't possible -- all I can do is pray - and though it
doesn't sound like much - I know it is HUGE - I know God
will continue to bless our little family - That is what faith is --
BELIEVING

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME

Honestly

the past week or two have been a tad overwhelming to say the least. Today it has been 11 years since the car accident that claimed the life of my little boy. This time of year is usually pretty tough, even after all these years.

As well as dealing with the feelings that this week brings up I have had 3 doctor appointments that... um... have been scary. Most people who know me know I don't always stay on top of my doctor appointments -- I mean we move A LOT - and at every new address I have to get a new
DENTIST
PEDIATRICIAN
NEUROLOGIST
OPHTHAMOLOGIST (sp?)
GENERAL PRACTICE
OB/GYN (not so much the ob part but i still need the gyn :D )
not to mention figure out where the nearest scrapbook store, Target, and Mall are ;) That is a lot to do ----so when we moved back to Houston I worked on getting everyone elses dr. appts and now about a year later I finally went for my visit.

Hadn't been feeling great for a few years now and had put on quite a bit of weight - I think I kind of knew something wasn't right and I mentioned it at my last visit but the dr. that saw me that day didn't seem concerned at all. So I went on about my merry way.

That brings us to last week -went for my "girly" visit and this doctor wanted to do some blood work so I had to come in during a particular "time of the month" - a specific day in fact and have the said blood work done -- When I returned for this appointment (MONDAY) the doctor noticed that my thyroid seemed enlarged so she ordered blood work for that - Then she said she wanted to have me get an ultrasound - Which I had on WEDNESDAY-

I was positive something was wrong when they did the ultrasound because it took longer than normal - The tech left 2 different times to speak to the dr. (not a good sign) and then when I tried to milk her for info she assured me that my dr. would be contacting me in the next 24 hours. ---- Also not good since I had to go to a different clinic to have the ultrasound in the first place -- They never turn them over that fast - it is usually a few days (2 or 3 AT LEAST) - another "not so great sign"

But I didn't have too much time to worry because I had to
go to work
then I had a hair appt.
then had to rush to pick up the kids
and finally pick up Heath
We we arrived home it was 7:30

Sure enough there was a message on my machine at 11:20am (my ultrasound was at 10am) from my doctor saying to call her back and that she needed to "discuss" the results with me
Since it was so late I was able to fret over the whole ordeal -- and boy was my mind in OverDRIVE -- I spoke with the doctor on Thursday and not only did they find a cyst and see that my thyroid was enlarged (i have previously had one removed- so i kind of figured there may be another one) but aparrently there were other "CAUSES FOR CONCERN"

they found abnormal growths both on my thyroid and in "OTHER AREAS" (really what ELSE could be in there)
and the Lab work concerned her as well
What this all means I HAVE NO IDEA

So now I get to go to my 4th dr's visit (during a 2 week period) to a Endocrinologist on Tuesday
Now REMEMBER I leave on Wednesday for my TSR RETREAT and I have already said I don't care if I have to drag an IV with me to KS - I am going on that darn retreat :D

So here is to FAITH
FAITH that EVERYTHING will be JUST FINE :D

SHINE

loved this pic of my hubby and i

liked the layout but wasn't in love with it

so i will probably scrap this picture again in

the future :D

Picture of me and my hubby 7-2007

Journaling reads:

When the sun is hard to find

When it's rainin in your eyes

When the shadows block those pretty

little blue skies living inside you

When the fallin of your tears

makes a candle disappear

when you just can't see the light

baby i'll find a way to shine

My Heart Belongs to YOU

Made this layout for my Hubby :D :D

It was a SCRAPLIFT Challenge on TSR

www.scrap-room.com

the challenge was to scraplift a layout

by Elsie Flannigan :D :D

LOVE how it turned out

Getting Ready to go on VACATION

This VACATION promises to be EXTRA fun
Not only do I get to go home and visit my family
I get to attend a TSR RETREAT (not just any retreat
the FIRST ANNUAL TSR RETREAT) I am super
stoked!!!

Can't wait to hang out with Erin and the other TSR gals
We are going to have such a BLAST

After the retreat we will stay in Tulsa to visit some of our
dear friends THE BAKERS -just in case you didn't know
i was talking about YOU ;) - you can check out Ashlee's blog here http://www.ashluvs2.blogspot.com/

Then we will head to my parents for a week
it will be our first time back home since we MOVED
and i can't WAIT

hope to have to cool pics on my return - :D

I love...

I love my husband

- strange how it seems like

we have spent a lifetime together-

being best friends - it is hard to remember

my life before he was in it - and honestly I

don't really want to --

I LOVE HIM COMPLETELY

My GIRL

another pic of my GIRL :D

well - just because .... because

it is MY BLOG and I can ;)

this is her --"Mom - I know it is my birthday

but HOW MANY FREAKIN' PICTURES are you

going to make me take" face

:D

MY little GIRL IS SEVEN TODAY!!

I can't even believe it - She seems to be growing by leaps and bounds - SO BEAUTIFUL - a little too big for her britches in the SASSY department - but man it is great to have a little girl - it is like a little mini young lady in training - she just recently went to get an mani/pedi for the first time with her aunt Christi and her Grandmommy - she came back with red fingernails and toenails and her big toe had a little flower on it - Super cute - They also took her to starbucks and to bath and body works too so she was TOTALLY being SpOiLED ;) - and she LoVeD every minute of it.

I wonder what GREAT things God has in store for her life - She wants to be a teacher right now but that of course could change next week or even tomorrow :D

Things I want to remember about her at this very moment are
She loves to sing (when no one is watching) She sings along with - her VBS cd from last summer - Hannah Montana - The Annie Soundtrack - High School Musical Soundtrack - and anything else she can get her hands on :D
She loves to be CRAFTY -- she makes cards - paints - her watercoloring is SUPER FAB - and I love how she leaves me little notes all over the house - mostly NICE ones but there have been a few she wrote when she was upset with me
She loves to CLEAN and ORGANIZE - better take advantage of that before she hits her teen years ;)
She is very dramatic - and the majority of the time it is quite comical - except when I am trying to cook or am on the phone ;)

Sharing a pic i took today :D

OMGOSH - I CAN POST

Thank you dear BLOGGER TECH PEOPLE

they finally cracked the code and HOOKED ME UP

I haven't been able to post in FOREVER --

ok -- now the truth --

as much as I put off blogging ALL THE TIME

I SOOO MISSED IT WHEN I COULDN'T ACCESS IT
that is totally like me - don't know a good thing
till it is gone ;)

as for the photo -- love this one of my boy -- very seldom

I capture HIM -- you know - really him -- a real expression

a real moment -- THIS IS MY BOY -- Love love love you son :D

My Sweet Girl

little miss makenna is getting bigger and bigger - so grown up lately -- wants to wear clear lipgloss and her GAP shades --

caught her singing Hannah Montana while standing on the couch looking in the mirror yesterday -- Where did my little girl go??

If you spot her somewhere let me know ;)

5-19-2007 Double Whammy

We had a combined birthday party for the kids this weekend. Everyone seemed to have fun. Heath was even pleased with the party, which I was a little concerned about.

This was the first year we have ever had a party outside of our home. I usually make everything for the kids parties - goodie bags - decor etc. and my mother in law usually makes the cakes. All in all I usually spend a little over $100 bucks for everything and then I of course have to clean the house before and after the party. So we figured that if they doubled up(their birthdays are only 2 months apart) we could afford to do one birthday party for them both. We had it at Monkey Bizness (which is similar to Pump it Up)but it has a rock wall and was $50 cheaper :D BONUS!!! So I think we broke even in the $$$ department.

However, we learned a HUGE LESSON. We will not be combining the kids birthdays EVER AGAIN. Let me start by saying we had the party in the morning so I knew some people wouldn't be able to make it. I let the children invite 26 people each just for this reason (I was guessing about half would show). But NEVER in my wildest dreams did I think that Noah would only have ONE CHILD attend his party -- out of 26 invites -- this isn't including his cousin and his neighborhood friend which were shoe ins. There were 26 others invited outside of these two. Honestly I was concerned that TOO MANY kids would come and that I would be paying for them all individually. Makenna had about half of her friends show up, which I think made Noah feel even worse. He didn't pout at the party but I could tell he was disappointed. WHO WOULDN'T BE. Personally I was CRUSHED for him. He really was a trooper about it.

He is so FRIENDLY to EVERYONE -- and I really mean that -- I am not just saying that because he is my child. He is an awesome KIND HEARTED kid. I know that sometimes children don't receive him as well as he (and I) would like. They don't understand his tics. They think he is weird and often tell him this to his face. He tries to explain Tourette Syndrome to them but all they see is that it makes him different. Different from THEM and at the ripe old age of 8 different doesn't mean cool or unique in their eyes. Maybe as Parents we should try and change that.

So today I am sharing his picture. A picture of a handsome young boy who has the whole world ahead of him. We are all different and we should CELEBRATE that. It makes us who we are. We are, after all, FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY MADE.